need a smile? this'll do it...
Brutally honest adoption ad for 'demonic Chihuahua' goes viral
By Francesca Gariano
Have you ever heard of a Chihuahua described as a “haunted Victorian child”? What about a “Chucky doll in a dog's body”? Well, now you have!
A tweet about a “demonic Chihuahua” named Prancer who is up for adoption has gone viral on Twitter due to the brutally honest description written by his foster owner of what potential adopters could expect from the dog.
Tyfanee Fortuna, Prancer’s current foster owner, shared a post to Facebook on April 7 with some photos and videos of the two-year-old pup, trying to find a way to make the dog sound appealing to future adoptive owners.
“I’ve tried for the last several months to post this dog for adoption and make him sound... palatable,” she wrote. “The problem is, he’s just not. There’s not a very big market for neurotic, man hating, animal hating, children hating dogs that look like gremlins. But I have to believe there’s someone out there for Prancer, because I am tired and so is my family. Every day we live in the grips of the demonic Chihuahua hellscape he has created in our home.”
Fortuna wrote that fellow Chihuahua owners would understand what she was talking about, saying Prancer embodied the “Chihuahua meme that describes them as being 50% hate and 50% tremble.”
“If you’re intrigued and horrified at how this animal sounds already, just wait.... there’s more,” she added. “Prancer came to me obese, wearing a cashmere sweater, with a bacon egg n cheese stuffed in his crate with him. I should have known in that moment this dog would be a problem.”
She explained that his previous owner was an elderly woman who treated Prancer like he was a human and didn’t socialize him. “Sprinkle in a little genetic predisposition for being nervous, and you’ve concocted a neurotic mess, AKA Prancer,” she wrote. “His first week he was too terrified to have a personality. As awful as it sounds, I kind of liked him better that way. He was quiet, and just laid on the couch. Didn’t bother anyone. I was excited to see him come out of his shell and become a real dog. I am convinced at this point he is not a real dog, but more like a vessel for a traumatized Victorian child that now haunts our home.”
She also made an epic reference to "The Office" in terms of how Prancer gets along with other animals. "We have somewhat come to an agreement that it’s wrong to attack the other animals," she explained. "But you know that episode of 'The Office' where Michael Scott silently whispers 'I’ll kill you' to Toby? That’s Prancer having to begrudgingly coexist with everyone when I’m around."
Prancer also has a very specific taste in humans in that he only likes women, so if you have a husband, "don't bother applying, unless you hate him."
“We also mentioned no kids for Prancer. I think at this point, you can imagine why,” she added. “He’s never been in the presence of a child, but I can already imagine the demonic noises and shaking fury that would erupt from his body if he was. Prancer wants to be your only child.”
Despite Prancer’s oddities, Fortuna said that he has some good traits, including his loyalty and penchant for companionship. She wrote, “He likes to go for car rides, he is housebroken, he knows a few basic commands, he is quiet and non destructive when left alone at home, and even though we call him bologna face he is kind of cute to look at. He also ‘smiles’ when he is excited."
Fortuna understands that Prancer might be a hard sell and that “finding someone who wants a Chucky doll in a dogs body is hard.”
“If you’ve always wanted your own haunted Victorian child in the body of a small dog that hates men and children, please email firstname.lastname@example.org,” she wrote. “Oh, also he’s only 2yrs old and will probably live to be 21 through pure spite, so take that into account if you’re interested.”
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